The hardest questions to ask aren't the ones about big things. They're the ones about the small things you've never thought to ask.

This is a list of 50 questions for couples who already know each other well. Not "what's your favourite colour" — questions that assume you've been together long enough to have a real answer.

Pull one. Read it out loud. See where it goes.

About your past

1. What's something that happened before we met that still shapes how you see the world?
2. What's the best advice you ever received, and did you take it?
3. What's something you regret not doing in your twenties?
4. Who taught you the most about love — and what did they teach you?
5. What's a belief you held ten years ago that you've since changed?
6. What was the moment you knew things were serious between us?
7. What's something from your childhood you've never told me?
8. What's the hardest thing you've ever had to get through?
9. Who is someone from your past you think about more than I'd expect?
10. What's something your family did that you've carried into how we live?

About us

1. What's something I do that you've never told me you love?
2. When do you feel most connected to me?
3. What's a moment between us you think about when you need steadying?
4. What's something you'd change about how we communicate?
5. What's something I do that you've adapted to without telling me?
6. What does 'home' mean to you right now?
7. What are you most grateful for in our relationship?
8. What's a version of our future that excites you but also scares you?
9. What's something you've been meaning to tell me?
10. When was the last time I really surprised you?

About right now

1. What's something you're proud of that you haven't said out loud yet?
2. What are you afraid of that you haven't named?
3. What do you want more of in your life right now?
4. What are you working on internally that I should know about?
5. What's something you've stopped doing that you miss?
6. What's your relationship with time like at the moment?
7. What would you do differently if you weren't worried about what anyone thought?
8. What does a good day look like for you right now?
9. What are you most looking forward to in the next year?
10. What's something you wish I understood better about how you're feeling?

About the future

1. Where do you want to be in five years — and what would have to change to get there?
2. What's a dream you've never told me about?
3. What kind of old people do you want us to be?
4. What's something you want to do together that we haven't done yet?
5. What's a conversation you think we should have that we keep not having?
6. If our relationship had a next chapter, what would you want it to be about?
7. What do you want our kids (or our life without kids) to look like?
8. What's something you hope never changes between us?
9. What's a risk you want to take together?
10. What does a life well lived look like to you?

About the hard stuff

1. What's something you're not good at that you wish you were?
2. What's something you've forgiven me for that you've never mentioned?
3. What's something you've forgiven yourself for that took a long time?
4. What's something you find difficult about our relationship that you rarely say out loud?
5. When do you feel the most unseen by me?
6. What's a need you have that you haven't asked me to meet?
7. What's something you're working on about yourself?
8. What's a conversation we've avoided that we probably need to have?
9. What do you wish I'd ask you more often?
10. What's something you're carrying that I could help you with?

More in the app

GoDeeper has a Couples deck and a Partners deck built around questions like these — across four depth levels, from light prompts to the harder conversations.

Download GoDeeper for iPhone →

Related

• Monthly relationship check-in questions →
• GoDeeper for couples →